I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
