I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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