Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
