If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Randomize
