idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You need a sexual gate keeper
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
