he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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