I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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