the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
