covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
