Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
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