My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
it's like iHOP with fire
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
NoShamevember. You game?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
