My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My dick has a subreddit
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
