You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
