I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize