we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Randomize
