Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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