the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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