if only i could text you this smell
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
