It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
