Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize