I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
