I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
