please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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