I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
