eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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