Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
