I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
