FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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