Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
