is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
