So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
