the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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