Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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