You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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