i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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