did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
