I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
