its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
