You can't special order awesome
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize