the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
