He told me they were just razor bumps!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
