This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
where are my eyebrows?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
