He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
