On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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