Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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