Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
