How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
