You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
