I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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