Acid is not a monday night drug
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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