i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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