The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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