you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize