Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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