best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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