Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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