i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
false alarm. still invincible.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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