So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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