Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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