I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
