I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She needs sedatives and a leash
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
