We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
