i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize