i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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