if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
