how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
