Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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