I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
