You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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