oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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