Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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