having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
