due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize