I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
did i walk over a car last night?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
