if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
