If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
