Quick, to the slutcave!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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